Valerie Brooks

MUSIC TO ENTER Schubert: Ave Maria by Kiri Te Kanawa

Hello to you all, and welcome to our service of celebration for the life of Valerie Brooks, also known as Val. I know there are many who would have liked to be here, but distance prohibits so I hope you are able to link into the webcast facility, and whether you are here in person or virtually, I’d like to thank you for joining me in this final mark of respect for a very special lady.

Valerie sadly passed away on the 19th of May having spent her last weeks at Mount Edgcumbe Hospice. The family are truly grateful to Beth the palliative care doctor at Treliske, who arranged this, and to the staff at the hospice, too many to name. Being in Mount Edgecumbe meant they could spend quality time with Val, whilst the staff at the hospice were excellent in their care, ensuring all Val’s needs were met with compassion and dignity, keeping her comfortable throughout. They were also a big support to the family, who were able to be there with Val at the end, which brings a lot of comfort.

Valerie’s many different health issues had started some years ago, which saw her increasingly reliant on a mobility scooter for shopping and outings. I’m told that she drove this as she did her car , and wasn’t immune to bumping or reversing into things, even tipping it over on a couple of occasions, although unlike her car the scooter wasn’t held together with gaffer tape and cable ties. She was prone to catching bags on the handles, causing the scooter to change direction and accelerate faster than she meant to, but she never did any real serious damage. It’s fair to say that she was not a lady to be ‘tamed’ even in her latter years, her naughtiness and cheekiness ever present until the end.

There will naturally be great sadness amongst family and friends at the loss of such a character, and we recognise and acknowledge this today especially as we say our farewells a little later, but first we need to celebrate Valeries’s 83 years by remembering just who she was, and thinking back over her life, so before two very good friends come and give us their words, I’d like to share what I’ve been told about her.

Tributes

Val was a Valentine baby, born on the 14th of February 1941, (which in latter times meant that husband Martin had no excuse to forget either occasion). She was named Ann Valerie, her mother wanted Valerie although strong catholic upbringing meant she was given Ann as her first name. She was the eldest of three children for Winnie and Benny Newman, followed by her brother Paul, to whom she always remained very close, and she also had another brother Anthony, who sadly died when he was just a few hours old. Valerie was always close to her parents too and when working at the council, would go to their house for lunch each day.

Valerie was born in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne, but she was raised through the war years in Gateshead where they lived with her grandparents. Education was obviously rather scattered with lots of different schools both here and abroad as the family travelled around with Benny’s different postings, but her secondary schooling was more settled as it was all completed at Chichester High School where she had the honour of being head girl. Never one to think too highly of herself, Valerie never had thoughts to go to university, but she was a little upset some years later to hear that her headmistress had thought it such a waste of her intelligence not to have gone.

On leaving school Val moved to Cyprus, again due to her father being stationed here. On returning to the UK, living in South Ruislip, she started at BEA in 1961, or British European Airways as it was back then., working at West London Air Terminal. It was through BEA that she met Martin, and we will hear more about this shortly from good friend Dave but suffice to say one dance led to almost 53 years of marriage, despite Martin’s cooking, once he got cloves and bulbs mixed up when making Val minestrone soup! Luckily, she loved it, though he was unable to eat it himself! Martin also told me that he was very impressed whilst they were courting as Valerie diligently went to watch very cricket match he played, but once they were married, she never went again! Val was always known to Martin’s dad as ‘the girl that paints cars’, because she came to paint Martin’s car orange with a black roof! Always colourful and in this case, way ahead of her time! Meanwhile, Valerie’s mum warned Martin that she hoped he had money before he married Val, as he wouldn’t have any after!

Together Martin and Valerie had two children Karen and Nick, and Valerie gave up work for a while to be there for her family, but when they were a little older, she went back to BEA, which was by then British Airways, as an ‘aunty’ looking after children on the ground at the airport.

It has to be said that Val was a formidable force when it came to protecting her children, and there was one day that she marched into school with a hammer to deal with a nail under the desk that was catching on Karen’s tights.

Leaving BEA she found her niche as a cashier for South Buckinghamshire Council, where she was well liked and respected by colleagues and customers alike. On retirement from here she went to work at Windsor Castle, which was lovely, as being an avid royalist and fan of history, she loved working for the Queen.

During her school days Valerie had enjoyed history and netball and whilst the latter stopped, the history interest continued. She shared an interest in genealogy with her cousin Christine and she also collected coins and stamps. She loved books and had so many she often bought the same one twice, and we will hear she liked photography. With Val being behind the lens she wasn’t often in the photos, but she was very keen on using her editing skills, literally cutting and sticking and image of herself onto the original, evidence of which can be seen in the hallway at The Garden House. you may even spot evidence of this in the photo tribute to come later (there is one with someone stuck on! :D).

Val was always very glamorous – and had a vast supply of outfits in her wardrobe, which she made sure she wore. Whether at home or going out she always took a pride in her appearance often with all the matching accessories. In her younger years she had a look of Elizabeth Taylor, which was evident in one of the photos I was shown when I visited the family. She was also extremely chatty with anyone she met and is even remembered by random shop owners as ‘flamboyant’.

Valerie and Martin welcomed Coreena into the family and Coreena told me that she had an extremely close relationship with Val and she absolutely adored her. She says she was lucky to have the best mother-in-law she could possibly have wished for and she loved spending time with her. Val and Martin were subsequently blessed with three grandchildren Ryder, Jude and Isla. Val was a doting grandma. They were a massive part of both hers and Martin’s lives. The grandchildren all have wonderful memories of Val some of which they have shared with me. They told me that their grandma liked her butter cold and straight from the fridge, whereas Grandad preferred his at room temperature so consequently he would hide little portions of it high up in the cupboards. It seemed that Valerie never realised this and though the grandchildren desperately wanted to tell her they never let on.

At Christmas, Jude and Isla would help Grandma decorate the tree and they would be very careful to make it all neat and symmetrical in their design, but Grandma always wanted it as full as possible with bright colours and higgledy-piggledy fun, much like her garden.

Val spent hours teaching Ryder, Jude and Isla to play cards only to find she had taught them a little too well - as they soon started beating her at every hand. She was quite a competitive player but proud of her grandchildren more so. There was the funny occasion when Val was going around the garden centre with her trolley attached to her scooter and she didn’t know that Jude was hiding underneath, and at one point Val took a hairdressing course at night school so that she could cut the family’s hair. This may have been ok for Martin, but she didn’t always manage the coolest cuts for the others. She never cut the grandchildren’s hair but you can see in many photos where she had got at it with a comb, giving them uncharacteristic cows licks. Val was always very proud of Nick, Karen and the grandchildren for all their achievements, most recently Ryder, who through tough training is now a fully qualified RNLI beach lifeguard.

Above everything, Valerie would have done anything for her grandchildren and they for her, (even if she did often pay them). She was not only a wonderful mentor but also a true friend and this is illustrated by the fact that they would often take their friends to her house to play cards and snooker. There was always banter and fun and Valerie was renowned for her ‘shorty – lofty’ joke with Isla once Isla had grown taller. Not just a Grandma by blood, Valerie was also an adopted grandma to the neighbours children Gareth, Hollianne, George and Christian.

Valerie didn’t really like food and she could be hugely picky – she always said that if she could have taken a pill instead of eating a meal she probably would have done. There were certain things she did like, and she was also partial to a ‘little too much salt’ with her savoury food. Ryder would spend many a night sleeping over at Val and Martin’s house and would more often than not cook one of his grandma’s favourite meals – steak and chips! Funnily enough he always managed to pick up the most luxurious cuts as obviously Grandma was picking up the bill!However, she had a definite sweet tooth, and you could always rely on Val to bring pudding even if it was sometimes still partially frozen or out of date! Once in Cornwall, she kept a sweet cupboard stocked with naughty foods for the grandchildren to raid, and always bought lots of treats when visiting Karen. Even in her final weeks when she wasn’t really eating, she could be tempted with odd spoonful of dessert.

Val was described as a very kind and caring lady, but also with a huge determination – if she set her mind to something there was no telling her otherwise, but she was warm and welcoming to everyone and truly valued her family and friends above all else.

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I’d like to invite one of Valerie and Martin’s close friends to come and share his tribute now which will be followed by another close friend Jean.

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Dave’s Words

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, thank you for all being here to support Martin and his family and to celebrate Val's life. My name is David Backshall and I first met Martin when he joined BEA in 1966. We worked together for over 40 years, keeping the aircraft flying safely and on time. My wife Pat, worked with Val on the ticket desk solving passengers problems.

Martin and I played squash coma with more energy than skill, we ventured onto the golf course with mixed results but our greatest success what is winning the airlines Rugby 7’s cup which was when Martin met Val.

We teamed up with other couples who are here today – Jacky and Gordon, Jean and Ron, Sandy and Pete (who unfortunately is no longer with us). We had magnificent dinner parties with each couple presenting a course, everyone eager to impress and dressed up to the nines, excellent evenings. Although I do recall one event, at Val and Martin’s, when Martin picked up a bottle of sauce and shook it violently before checking the top was firmly in place. It wasn't!! Val was not impressed with the new wall decorations. We would also take part in quizzes and day trips to Clymping on the South Coast. We played cards with Val’s mum and dad, Winnie and Benny, also Val’s brother Paul, who is unfortunately too ill to be here today, and his wife Betty.

On one memorable occasion we discovered the disappearance of my little green MG sports car and a phone call the next day from Scotland to say that it was parked on the hard shoulder coma out of fuel, in a little village called Lockerbie-which was later to become famous for other reasons. We flew up to Glasgow and collected the car but then on our drive home got stopped three times by the police for driving a stolen car-quite impressive.

We had many good holidays with Val and Martin, but one moment sticks in my memory. We were on a self-drive safari watching a huge elephant trying to push over a large truck when he caught sight of us and started to charge us. We urged Martin to drive away quickly but he remained so Val could get a good photo! Val did love her photos and was very organised with them. Nick collected many of them to display in the hospice on Val’s TV which was a great success for everyone, especially Val.

Back to 1971, and Val and Martin were married in the August. Pat and Sandie were bridesmaids and then in October, we followed suit. Martin was my best man and Val one of Pat's beautiful bridesmaids. We were getting married in Pat's hometown of Birmingham and Pat received a phone call on the morning of the wedding to say that Val and Martin had broken down on the M1. Luckily the RAC were able to get them to us almost on time, although we never saw the organist, so it was quite a quiet affair. In 1973, Karen and our son Steve were born and we are godparents to Karen and Val and Martin, to Steve.

Val had a great interest in history and when she left the airport she took a job as a warden at Windsor Castle, along with Jacky and Gordon and Sandy. Val worked at the castle for 12 years and Jacky and Gordon are still there.

Sadly, Val was unwell with various illnesses later in her life and had to rely on the use of a mobility scooter, but she was kind, thoughtful and considerate of others and tried to make the best of any situation. However ill she felt she always managed to attend all events with a smile on her face.

She loved her garden and flowers and visited all the garden centres nearby and never came away without at least one purchase. Photography was her obsession, and she had an excellent collection, and she also had a fondness for the occasional cream cake, but her biggest love was her family and when Nick and Coreena relocated to Cornwall with Ryder, Jude and Isla it was not long before Val and Martin joined them, their only sadness leaving Karen so far away. However, it seems Val contacted Karen almost daily and Martin would geocache and motorhome with her.

When Val, Martin and Karen arranged to cruise to the Canaries (where Val and Martin had their honeymoon) Val felt unwell and ended up in hospital, where she was given the horrendous news that she only had days to live. She survived for over a month, which allowed all the family and us to spend time with her. She was rarely left alone, and I think that was a fitting tribute to their relationship. When the day was over, Martin would write a full description of the day's events in minute detail which was great to read, we felt included even from a distance. Val was incredibly brave in those final weeks; she said she had enjoyed a great life surrounded by love from family and friends and she was concerned for Martin not for herself. She was an amazing wife mother and grandmother and best friend and will be greatly missed by everyone.

I can see that you're sad now I've gone away, But I'd like to remind you of something today, Although you can't see me, I'm always around you. in your memories and thoughts, in smells and sounds.

I've lived a long life, much more than expected, But I aged a bit lately, a problem detected, I'd been tough as old boots for the best part of ageing, Though lately my insides got fed up of waiting.

My family loved me and that I will treasure Their love for me is just too high to measure, For you all I am grateful, so now I'll begin To settle down here and take it all in.

My pain is gone, i have no fear, I have my photos and cream cakes here, so, when you falter, Please remember this rhyme, I will see you again, just a matter of time.

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Friendships were always valued by Valerie and, as we have heard, there was a group of them that regularly interacted with each other. She also valued her long-term friends Joyce Allen, who she met when they both lived on the Thorney Island RAF base in their youth, and Jean Moores, who she had met at the Air Terminal, but it is Jean Johnson, that was mentioned in Dave’s tribute that will come now and deliver her words for Val.

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Jean’s Words

Well, I had known Val for over 50 years, having met her when we both worked for British Airways in the late 1960s, and as Dave said, Val had previously worked at the West London Air Terminal to which we would all decamp on a Saturday night, to dance the night away at Tiger Tim's disco at Comet Club. Val always liked a good bop and she was a very good dancer. She was a small, glamorous, bundle of fun, and as the years passed, there were holidays abroad to Cyprus and Bulgaria and again dancing would take place in a pretty bar in Famagusta accompanied by a few brandy sours. I think it was that that was caused the mirth, when on returning to our hotel, we discovered that our underwear and blown off the balcony and was now lying all over the road. We just laughed, honestly.

Gradually everybody got married in the early 70s or thereabouts and Val married Martin in August 1971 having met, as Dave mentioned, at the rugby sevens. Now I always thought that Val met Martin in the queue for the canteen at British Airways, but either way I expect that Martin didn't know what had hit him when he first met this glamorous, bubbly, vivacious brunette. After marriage, we still got together for dinner parties, holidays, cruises and quizzes. Then the children came along, and got married, and one of my favourite weddings was that of Nick and Coreena in the town hall on the main Square in Sienna. As we emerged onto the square in all our finery, all the tourists and locals cheered, and we waved back like royalty, smiling and being very gracious. Val loved that. She looked so glamorous, small and dark wearing a floaty, pale blue chiffon outfit and a big hat. I expect the tourists thought it was the Queen Mother.

Another of Val's hobbies, as Dave has also mentioned, was shopping. She would disappear into some Emporium or other and very soon after the cry of "Mart, Mart!" would ring out and Martin would hurry into the shop clutching his credit card, to pay for yet another picture, book or ornament that Val had bought to fill their home, because she filled it with lovely things, and she did it frequently. She also loved books, so much so that she did often buy the same one twice. And photography was another thing that Val excelled at. In Ascot week every year we'd go up to Windsor Great Park, up into Duke's Lane where the royal family would switch from their cars to their open carriages, and Val would take the most marvellous close up photos. She captured them all including the Queen and Princess Diana, who were some of our favourites. This did involve Val balancing precariously on a small stool in order to get above the crowd at the changeover point, but she always managed it superbly and took some great photos. She had a real knack with her camera. My own daughter Joanna texted me recently saying that Val had made up an album for her wedding - her own wedding, Joanna's wedding - photos and that she had taken them on her "massive camera". I quote that's what my daughter said, so her reputation had gone before her.

And Val and Martin eventually moved down to Cornwall, as we know, leaving behind the rose bushes that she planted on either side of the garden in Old Windsor. She loved flowers and her garden. We were lucky enough to visit Martin and Val whilst we were staying with Jackie and Gordon down here in Cornwall some years ago. Somebody suggested a walk along a cliff-top path. I'm not sure the cliff-top walk with a mobile scooter was such a good idea, and after Martin had valiantly lifted the scooter up over three stiles I think he agreed. Luckily Val wasn't seated on them at the time.

Thank you Val, for what you did and all the fun you gave us. You brightened our lives with your glamour fun and our memories will live on.

God bless you.

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I’m sure you all have a wonderful visual image of Valerie in your minds now but to cement that we have some photos set to the music track Memory by Elaine Paige. This can now be viewed at https://youtu.be/bpa79gsz8wA?feature=shared

Visual Tribute MUSIC Memory by Elaine Paige

Although in latter years, Val didn’t really practise a faith, she was brought up a Catholic and so it was felt appropriate to include the Lord’s prayer, but the version chosen is slightly different to the one we normally recite and is printed in your service sheets.

Lord’s Prayer

Our Father, who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done; on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive those that trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation; But deliver us from evil. Amen

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It is time to say our goodbyes to Val’s physical presence and we will shortly stand to do this but after the words of farewell have been delivered we will sit to listen to another track of music especially chosen by Val, a time when you can just be at one with your thoughts of her, a time to say your own silent goodbyes before the curtain closes, but I ask that you please now be upstanding.

Val – Although we know you had faced a few battles with your health over the latter years of your life, we had hoped that we would have had more time with you, time to enjoy your company, time to make even more memories, time to cherish the warmth of your friendship and your love. Sadly, this wasn’t to be and now here we are saying our goodbyes to your physical presence, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t be with us still in so many other ways, as you naturally leave a legacy behind you, in the person you were and the people and things you created, including all the wonderful memories, some of which have been shared today. So, rest assured, you will not be forgotten but will continue to live in our hearts and minds for many years to come because of the person you were.

Val – it is with grief in our heats that we leave you to your peace, but it is with gratitude for your life and the privilege and pleasure of sharing your life that we now bid you farewell.

MUSIC And This Is My Beloved Howard Keel, Ann Blyth, Dolores Gray, Vic Damone

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In recognition for the wonderful care and support that, not just Val but also the family received, at Mount Edgcumbe hospice any donations in lieu of flowers are to benefit this charity and can be given in various ways. There is a box available on the path as you leave today, you can pledge your gifts online via the Memory Giving website, links to which can be found on R J Bray & Son Facebook page and website, or you can send direct to them at the Bray Funeral Home in Wadebridge. Following our service the celebration’s for Val’s life will continue at the Trehellas Country House Hotel in Washaway and you are all most welcome to join the family in sharing stories.

There will be so much that will be missed about Val, from the daily telephone calls each evening to Karen, the general chit chat with Nick and Coreena about anything, but particularly the grandchildren, the fear of any movement from Val at family events because chaos normally ensued, or just being there to keep Martin in line…she leaves a void in the lives of everyone, but as I allude to in our words of farewell and as is mentioned in our final poem today, Val will still be around in so many different ways, her presence close to each of you in everyday life, and even though you can’t touch her you will never forget how she touched you when she was here.

I would like to thank you for joining me today in this final mark of respect to Valerie and I leave you with the poem ‘Do Not Stand At My Grave and Weep’ words that resonated with her…

‘Do Not Stand By My Grave and Weep’

Do not stand By my grave, and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep— I am the thousand winds that blow I am the diamond glints in snow I am the sunlight on ripened grain, I am the gentle, autumn rain. As you awake with morning's hush, I am the swift, up-flinging rush Of quiet birds in circling flight, I am the day transcending night. Do not stand By my grave, and cry— I am not there, I did not die.

MUSIC TO END Bless Your Beautiful Hide by Howard Keel